The listing, as a selling point, claims that it holds three regular tampons or two super. Treat your cuts with the “incredible healing power of a designer bandage.” He doesn’t say what the free toy is.
Unusually Weird Jar of Pickles TOTALLY UNEDIBLE 3D art
Buy It Now: $1.99
An unusually shaped jar of what used to be dill pickles.
The seller, amidst copious typos, calls this auction “the Complete set of Suppressed, Declassified, Banned, Stolen, DeBunked, Eye-witnessed cover ups of unbelievable but true stories, taken right out of our Government Archive files.” He goes on to list what’s on each CD. This is, as the seller claims, “a charmingly crude addition to any room.” It’s 7.5 inches by 5 inches and fits 25 cigarettes.
Freaky Ancient Voodoo Horror Mask
Buy It Now: $4.99
A creepy mask with “colorings [that] make him look like an ancient killer almost.” He has eyes that “appear to follow right along with you.” Oh, and this listing is sold by someone who runs a store called Tuff Girlz Custom Toyz. Mold on the inside. Docs! With Audios
Buy It Now: $59.99
What better way to carry your cigarettes than inside a donkey.
Donkey Cigarette Dispenser: Cool…yet gross.
Buy It Now: $9.99. He openly admits that it’s a prank to draw people to his legitimate listings, but will sell the toilet paper should anyone choose to buy it or make him an offer.
NEW retro MERMAID TATTOO Tampon Personal Case
Buy It Now: $21.95
As the description says, this is a case that you can discreetly carry your tampons in.
27 CD’s Of Suppressed UFO Gov. The classic “image of Jesus” sale.
30 Jesus Christ Bandages in 2 Tin Boxes w/Free Toy
Buy It Now: $9.65
Yes, the seller is selling “what’s left of a roll of toilet paper” that he continues to use daily. Some of the topics, he claims, include UFOs, time travel, crop circles, Mars & the moon, free energy, weather control, Greenhouse Conspiracy, origins of oil, fake doctors, aliens, hidden technology, fake religions, Bigfoot, and cattle mutilations. (I believe the word he was looking for is inedible.)
TURQUOISE BELT BUCKLE IMAGE OF JESUS WIDE BELT
Buy It Now: $40.00
One Slightly Used Roll Of Nice White Soft Toilet Paper
Buy It Now: $85,000
Yes, basically these are bandaids with pictures of Jesus. Each box comes with 15 vinyl adhesive bandages. And from where do the cigarettes get dispensed? Yes, you guessed it: they come out of the ass’s ass. The seller claims that Jesus’s face is on the belt. He says it took him 11 years to amass his collection. He adds that the belt buckle is pretty, too. At least he’s honest about the “unedible” part. It has a mermaid decoration, which is kind of oxymoronic, because, well, mermaids don’t quite have the equipment to use tampons